Stood Up

I am pissier than a syrup covered cat in heat!

Why won't you just call and at least tell me what happened? I thought you were a nice guy? Can everyone be so wrong about you!

Beatdown with my wasted use of a babysitter so I can sit here waiting for you to call!

Beatdown with my embarrased rejected ass!

Beatdown with stoopid smeared mascara that I don't wear for just anybody!

Can't believe you did that!

Middle of the Spiderman 2 movie, everyone is really into the excitement of Spidey getting his spideyass kicked and then we hear a cellphone go off. Minor irritation accompanied by the knowledge that the offender will be embarassed enough to shut it off.

NO.

She begins to have a conversation with the other person on the line. She goes on to say, "So, how are you?" and "Yeah, I'm watching a movie right now."

I mean, hello? Did you not hear what you just said?

Beatdown with a movie projector.

The other side...

Beatdown to the peeps who call me in the middle of my movie, and wanna shoot the shit with meaningless conversation. I WILL CALL YOU BACK AFTERWARDS! Just when the two lovers get it hooked up, or the explosion happens! I don't wanna pause it.

Sorry shantastic, don't know ya, but.....

Beatdown

Beatdown to Haloscan Pimpin Friends

Oh, how you liking haloscan now?

Not only can I not leave comments but it fucks up the loading of your pages too.

Cut and paste this into your template:

->>I gave the Dastard and my other friends in blogville a lot of shit for not having Haloscan because obviously Haloscan is so superior. I love Haloscan so I really need a good old beatdown with a rubber hose.<<-

Double beatdown for making me post.

Vultures

Yeah, you heard me right. Vultures deserve a beatdown.

I saw some at the zoo yesterday and they look like nasty muthafuckas.

Beatdown with your blue beak and your 9' wingspan.

Democratic Beatdown

I need a vote as to whether this guy deserves a beatdown.

Red convertible corvette, Massachusetts vanity plate

What the plate said?..."JOEL"

Joel???

I can't decide if he deserves a beatdown or pity. What do you guys think?

Beatdown Is Gonna Getcha

The woman in the Drs' office waiting room yesterday whose cell phone rang, bombarding the entire square block with Gloria Estefan. Beatdown with each member of the Miami Sound Machine and the bus they flipped over in.

If you perceive yourself to be a cowboy and have a snaggletoe... beatdown with a horseshoe, fucker.

The C Word

My beatdown is of massive proportion. Cancer. Damn cancer. Beatdown with a double dose of radiation. Beatdown with chemo, and beatdown with an annual Walk For Cancer! I hate cancer...

For the LAST time...

It's Fleece. Leese is the other blogger. I love Leese, she rocks, but she's no sheep.

Beatdown with an Asian female.

ARRRRRGH!

For UPS, who is holding K's birthday gift hostage in DORAVILLE (which is IN ATLANTA! I could DRIVE there in 20 minutes!) but apparently won't deliver it until maybe...wednesday. Or after that. Maybe. If the tracking is correct.

His birthday is TOMORROW! Why oh why won't you just deliver the gift!!!

Beatdown with your ugly, slow-ass brown trucks.

Early Onset Alzheimers

I had a great beatdown all composed in my head this morning as I tried to drift back into sleep. Lo and behold, my addled head couldn't hold onto it.

Beatdown on myself with a bottle of gingko biloba.

Mini-beatdown on blogger

Stoopid Blogger won't let me onto my own blogs from Kate's computer. It will not let me sign off from her account, so I can't put up a new post of my own.

Grrrrr....

(This is Aimee, by the way, NOT Kate!)

Mind your own damn business!

If you feel a need to start a 15 min. conversation in the parking garage while I'm getting in the car to tell me how big a piece of crap car I have, and meanwhile, you're driving a creepy 80s conversion van (AKA rape /kidnapping mobile), you need to back the hell off and let me go home. Beatdown with my dented bumper!

Newbie Pieholes

To the newest member of our staff that thinks that because she is in charge of "checking" my chart, that she can tell me how to do my job, and (her words) "ream me out," and after a shift from hell: Beat down with an degree she aint got yet! Then beat down with a nursing license she aint got yet! Then beat down with the write up she is gonna get from me. Then beat down with the chair she never gets her ass out of. But I am not holding a grudge, oh no.

Stooopid Internet Company

Beatdown with a cable line to those damn fools who think I can wait 11 more days for my internet to be hooked up! I hope they know this will go down on their permanent record!

Link it! Link it real hard!

People who suck up all your adoration and attention and expect you too talk dirty to them, then refuse to link you should get a beat down with ... uh... something... uh... blunt!

Show Me The Money

Anyone who holds a check that I write for them for longer than two weeks without cashing it should catch a beatdown with a big stack of deposit slips.

Where the f*ck did she go now???

Now I realize being a waiter/waitress is a difficult job, so let me start this out by saying that there were only 3 or 4 other tables of people in the whole restaurant, and I think she only had one other table apart from ours.

To the waitress who made us wait a half hour for our check, gave it to us, then disappeared for another 20 minutes, so we had to find the manager to pay, just so we could get out of there: Beatdown with a side of fries! Hope you liked your "tip."

Blogger Beatdown!

I know this is a free service, and perhaps I'm a selfish, ungrateful bitch for looking a gift service in the mouth...but sometimes Blogger deserves a beatdown! And I think we all know why. Like right now, when I am unable to create a new paragraph. For that, Blogger, you get a beatdown with a wireless mouse.

Dear John letters to Our Soldiers?!?!?!? WTF?!?!

Women who write Dear John letters to Our soldiers in Iraq definately deserve a vadergrrrl style beatdown.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Check out Doc in the Box's last post for more information.

Grrrrrr, Confusing Men

To men who invite you someplace, pay for dinner, talk about sex for hours, then don't even try to kiss you. Was it a date? Was it not? And when did I lose it? Beatdown with a precious moments figurine!

To people who join homeschooling groups, make the group all about them, their children's needs and their own agenda and then NEVER show up again. Phone calls are answered sweetly, plans are made, but nothing ever comes of any of it. I'm sick to death of you people. I have a busy life, I do not need to be picking up the shit you left behind in your wake and now you've made it impossible for me to start my own homeschooling group here in our teeny tiny town.

Beatdown with my unused school supplies.

Lunchus Payus In Errorus

People who invite you to lunch but expect you to pick up the bill should be beaten with an American Express billboard.

Delays Beatdown

Mangers who are annoyingly paranoid about launching my new product because he/she doesn’t think I have thought of every single last contingency and continues to insiste on delays.

Yes, I’ve got all the normal contingencies in place (technical, non-technical). No, I don’t have a contingency in place in case an 8-foot half-man half-Godzilla creature decides the product is too small for him/her to use.

You paranoid pessimistic bitch. Beatdown with my left shoe.

Drunk Grrrls!

Drunk grrrls who act a fool and say (type) stupid things...... definately deserve a beatdown.


"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"I may be drunk but at least I'm not insane."
"I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink."
"There ain't no devil, there's just god when he's drunk"
"Well, the first rule is not to try to drink with him. (When asked about what it was like to write with Keith Richards)."
"Pour me a cab, I just can't drink no more."
"The piano has been drinking, not me."
"Oh yeah, I remember my first beer." (to a waitress dropping a tray of drinks)
"the drinks are free and everything...but they hit you up at the door on the way out..."
"I thought I heard a saxophone, I'm drunk on the moon"
"I've got a bottle for a trumpet, a hatbox for a drum..."
"I sold a quart of blood and bought a half a pint of scotch"
"And I'm standing on the corner of Fifth and Vermouth...using parking meters as walking sticks."
-Tom Waits

geeky science beatdown

Beatdowns for me and my boss, for not realizing until waaay too late that the assay system I was putting in my yeast strains WILL NOT WORK!!!!

Beatdown with a pipet!

Muh thoungue ith numb..

Beatdown for the person who assigned me 60 invitations to address, thus leaving me with a blah tasting tongue from all the envelope licking.

Yuck.

War Mongrels

How dare you send our loved ones in harms way. Their lives are worth more than your stinkin oil war.

for that, George W. you deserve one big ass smack down.

i hate you right now

Retail theft beatdowns

People who are blatant about bringing back a silk nightgown in a beaten up gift box. With no receipt. 5 years later. With a 3-inch tear in the seam where the security tag usually is. And say that it was a gift and that she received with the rip. Best of all is how she expects to be given $68 in cash after all that.

Nuh-uh. Beatdown with a gift box.

Technical Non-support

If you have a job as technical support and somebody is having a problem, then make yourself fucking useful!

If you don't know the answer, then say "I don't know the answer".
Stop shuffling me around from one technical non-support idiot to another.

Find me someone who knows what the hell they are talking about!

If you can't find anyone, at least try to charm me... tell me a fucking dirty joke, good gossip... anything... just make the hour and a half I wasted on the phone with you worth while. MORON

I Pitty the Fool!

Anyone who doesnt agree with me 100% of the time....

deserves a Mr. T style BEATDOWN!


xxxooooooo

Sleepus Interruptus

Anyone that drives a garbage truck through a neighborhood before 5 a.m. should be beaten with a steel garbage can lid until they puke up trash. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Reality TV Producers

If I was Amish, why would I even be on TV? If you continually produce tv shows full of mindless dribble, or are entertained by the majority of the crap that's on network tv... reality beatdown.

Also you all now get a collective beatdown... consider yourself beatendown.

Slackers

People who miss work and sleep..... all day......

definately deserve a beatdown.

(or a spankin)

xxxooooooooooo

Write a Frickin post!

People who complain about people not leaving comments on their site, yet haven't posted anything new for 5 days - BEATDOWN!

:)

Leave a Frickin Comment

People that visit my blog but don't leave a comment deserve a beatdown with a mouse.

Sleep Guy

The Sandman. That fucker rarily comes to visit, and when he does, he leaves quickly like I'm a $2 ho.

Beatdown with your empty sandbags, soaking wet and with vivacity.

Anti-Beatdown

Cool people who drive by and flash 7x7 signs, in huge bold red letters, that say "HI!"

They deserve forgiveness for at least 2 earned beatdowns. Very cool.

Big Yellow Beatdown

Best Buy at 23rd and 6th. For not letting me in at 6:51 tonight. Why? "We close at 7." I guarantee I could have found what I needed and been at the register in under 9 minutes. Beatdown with every DVD copy of "Just Married" left on your shelves.

Traditional Sunday Morning Beatdown

People who work in bagel places/delis and do not understand the meaning of "a little bit of cream cheese." It's great that you're being generous and giving, but no human being could eat that much cream cheese and live. Least of all one who's pretty sure he's lactose intolerant. Beatdown with a 5 lb. block of Philadelphia.