Monday, September 27, 2004

Tropicana

Brand extensions are nothing new... some of them even make sense, like Polo Sheets, or Jim Beam BBQ sauce, and Skippy Peanut Butter bars. However, orange juice is orange juice...so why on earth would Tropicana start making apple juice? I'll tell you why, because they suck, and it has 50% less sugar, which equates to 50% less taste. Grove style beatdown with a sunshine state sunkist orange.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Yoplait

I enjoy Yoplait yogurt. It is nice and smooth and has an even ditribution of fruit throughout - none of that fruit on the bottom crap. who has the time to mix their yogurt every day? and even when you do mix it, the yougurt is lumpy. bleah. but that is not my beatdown.

At least once a year, Yoplait puts pink lids on its yogurt and tells its customers that if we keep the pink yogurt caps and then mail them in, Yoplait will contribute X amount of money to breast cancer research.

What kind of crap is that???? Who is going to save old yogurt lids? Well, I know people that do, but...what a bunch of crap! You mean that i have to save old, rancid yogurt lids, and then put them in an envelope, pay shipping, and mail them back to Yoplait? A very successful company that most certainly has more money than I do?

Why don't they just say that for every yogurt cup bought they'll donate? Because they are cheap bastards who are counting on the general public to not send in the caps. Then they can look like heros (hey! we donate to breast cancer research! we're the yogurt that cares about your breasts! and we don't ask you to hand mix your yogurt!) with a minimal amount of financial imput. Again, what a load of crap.

Beatdown with 25% of my recommended calcium intake.

Friday, September 24, 2004

That Girl

Atomic elbow to that female friend at the bar yesterday who said:

"Look at you, you're so well groomed, your sideburns are even, you always smell good, and you're hot. How the hell are you single?"

Gee, maybe it's because you haven't done jack shit to help me out. Don't complain to ME about ME being single, you're stealing my job. Besides, with you and all of your gold digging crowd, I just don't have the taste for that kind of cheap meat.

Beatdown with your loose... I won't go there.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Beatdown to HBO!

Beatdown to HBO for getting me totally addicted to your programming, and then making me suffer and wait OVER A YEAR for a new season to begin. Grrrrr!



Another Beatdown for ending great shows like OZ and Sex in the City.




Sunday, September 12, 2004

Bacon

Why don't they package bacon in resealable bags? I've never cooked a whole package at once - and I have to waste a ziplock bag to put the rest in!

Beatdown with my iron skillet!

Why am I cooking bacon when I'm supposed to be watching my cholesterol?

Beatdown with an apple and a bag of pinto beans!

Saturday, September 11, 2004

The beatdown

Terrorism, in all it's forms.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Haloscan!#(*&^!@(#&^@!)

Haloscan is in for a serious beatdown. It is unreliable, buggy and, simply put, a pain in the ass. I find myself not wanting to leave comments on blogs that use it because it's such a pain, and that's sad. CommentThis doesn't have some of the fancy bells and whistles that Haloscan does, but at least it works!

Beatdown with my keyboard!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Stoopid Boyz

I hate my stoopid ex boyfriend who peppers his emails with 'we' like it's going out of style: "we'll start working on her grad school applications soon" and "we took a side trip" and "we're doing landscaping now on our house."

FUCKER!

There's obviously more to say, but that gets the point across.

Fucker.

Beatdown with the sharpened shiv end of a broken heart.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Good Old Fashioned Beatdown

Men who wear capri pants. There is no excuse. And don't give me that "They're just really long shorts" defense. No they're not. If they come down below mid-calf, we all know what they are. And they're not for you.

Beatdown with the bolts of leftover fabric which should be covering your damn legs.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Battery beatdown

For those times when you have the rechargeable batteries and on that ONE day when you absolutely need them, you can't find the charger anywhere. Arrgh.

Beatdown with a bunch of dead batteries. Sigh.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Birthday Beatdown!

Beatdown to all those who are celebrating a birthday today, and DID NOT invite me to his private party and let me get him all drunk and take advantage....

Did you think I wouldn't come? Did you think I wouldn't dress all up in leather?

Beatdown with a carefully thought out birthday card with a picture of my boobies on it!

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Toothpaste

Yeah, you heard me: toothpaste. Why can't the fuckers name their flavors like normal people? No matter how fancy gum gets, they still have the common sense to name the flavor "peppermint" "spearment" and "wintergreen."

What the hell is "artic mint?" "winter cool mint?" "icy blast?" or worse, "new flavor?"

My mom sent me to the store to buy toothpaste that wasn't peppermint, as my dad is not a fan. Nowhere did I see normal flavor names. I picked up something that said "new flavor!" figuring that peppermint is usually the first flavor that comes out, sure a "new flavor!" would be something else.

Nope, guessed wrong. Sorry dad.

Fuckers.

Beatdown with 4 out of 5 dentists!!!