Thoughtless People

Second-time moms who claim they don't want another baby shower because it wouldn't be appropriate, then change their minds and invite SO MANY people that they end up having TWO showers for the second kids.

Grrrr.....

(Off to host the final shower; see y'all tonight)

Lying CEOs

Acquisitions which are referred to as Mergers. Big Beatdown with an 10K report, you bastards!

J5's List Number 2

1) If you used to smoke, quit, and then make smoker's lives hell: beatdown.

2) If you're still taking about Seinfeld like it is the hotest thing since slice bread, bam! Actually, scratch that, if you ever did, beatdown.

3) If you get laid more than me and you brag about it constantly, beatdown.

4) If you can't laugh at yourself, beatdown.

5) If you think John Edwards made an original statement with "You cannot run, you cannot hide. We will destroy you." Beatdown.

6) Fan of Michael Moore? 5 ton beatdown.

7) If you pull out and cut me off just to drive 20 mph below the speed limit, run over, beatdown, and a round with a fungo bat.

8) Allow your 13 year old daughter to dress like a whore and wonder why grown men stare at her? Beatdown.

9) Think Rush Limbaugh and Reverend Al Sharpton are accurate truthsayers for the right and left wing respectively? Beatdown.

10) Snore so I stay awake? Beatdown.

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.

Another driving related beatdown

People who drive slowly in the left lane because they're going to make a turn 5 MILES AHEAD! Get into the right lane asshole! I'll let you back over when it's time for your turn!

Beatdown!

More on turn signals

People who don't turn their signals on until half way through their turn. Big beatdown, with my working turn signal.

And along those same lines, people who leave their signals on after they've changed lanes. Mini beatdown, with a wet noodle.

The Phonies

Phoney people deserve a beatdown!!!

Early Morning Beatdown

Like most other Macktastical animals, pups are not morning creatures (except at 6am when we HAVE to go pee, but then straight back to bed).  For those that feel the need to be EXTRA cheery and talkative in the morning hoping to get me to join you in your freaky morning cheery-fest.  Beatdown with my bearclaw. 

Are Self-Inflicted Beatdowns Kosher?

If so, I deserve one, for going 0 for 4 in my team's 5-3 loss tonight.  We were beat down.  Damn.

Politics

People spouting their political agendas in places that are supposed to be safe/free/fun zones.  BEATDOWN!

elevator etiquette

People waiting for the elevator who charge right after the doors open, body slamming you as you're trying to get out! Hey asshole, this is my floor! You're supposed to let people out first!!!  Beatdown!

1 for Now

Simple: People who can't shut the fuck up and thus make what should be a 10 minute meeting take an hour and a half, discussing such things as which hotel rewards programs are better than others, so I can't get my own work done, and will now be here until midnight (after leaving to play softball and coming back).  They, and our opponents tonight, get a beatdown.

People who don’t watch their children & let them run willy-nilly - beatdown!

People who build toilet stalls so small one must straddle toilet to open the door - beatdown!

People who don’t flush - beatdown!

People who ride those stupid little mini motorcycles - beatdown!

People who don’t answer e-mails but send you all kinds of joke/story crap - beatdown!

1.  Grasshopper lovers?  Beatdown.
2.  People who visit and have no qualms about strolling around my apartment while brushing their teeth **shudder**.  Big-ass beatdown.
3.  People who come into the bar and immediately ask what the drink specials are... BEATdown.
4.  Sales clerks at Von Maur who follow you around when you're dressed in your gardening clothes but wanted to stop and look for a dress for a semi-formal occasion the next week before getting dirty and then point you to the sales racks to look at leftover mumus because your overalls used to belong to an old, incredibly obese farmer named Harlan who was four feet tall and they think if they take their eyes off you you're going to shove the over-priced $400 dress inside said overalls.  I'm still beating that bitch down.  Down, girl!!
5.  My ex-boyfriend, Twit, and his new girlfriend, Twat.  Much beating.  With big sticks.
6.  The people who program the stoplights incorrectly so my poor car has to lurch to work because of a three second delay.  Beatdown.

I could think of so many more... but alas, I must work.

1) If you smoke later in the evening and complain about the smell in the morning, you get a beatdown.

2) If you think it was a smart move for Mr. Kerry to let his wife speak at the DNC and open her up to political attack, you deserve a beatdown.

3) If you judge a way of thinking without reading it, beatdown. (I'm reading it to see what the psychosis is about)

4) If you blame the weather for making your hair friz, and not the wild romp in bed you got the night before, you deserve a beatdown.

5) If you're female and don't vote on my poll on my site, you deserve a beatdown.

6) Democrat? Beatdown.

Courtesy of Johnny5

1. If you smoke in the morning and then sit next to me on the bus so that I get to smell a wet ashtray all the way to work, you deserve a beatdown.

2. If you say that Teresa Heinz-Kerry is too mouthy and opinionated and you conveniently ignore the glaring double standard between men and women in the public eye, you deserve a beatdown.

3. Scientologist? Beatdown.

4. The weather is so muggy that my towel has not dried out for two days. Beatdown.

5. Ann Coulter, you deserve the biggest beatdown of all for being such a twat that you would attack Max Cleland and belittle his patriotism and his war wounds. The guy lost three limbs in heavy combat during the Vietnam War and you accuse of him of lying about how it happened? What kind of fucking insect are you? I'm sorry, I do a disservice to insects everywhere by associating you with them. You are a goddamned turd and I hope you choke on your tongue.

Courtesy of Sloth