Bah Humbug!

In the words of Scrooge

“If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart."

Or at least every store manager who has been inundating me with Christmas displays since the day after Halloween!

I love the holidays, but get your fucking hand out of my wallet already!

I am not buying your shit after just spending a small fortune feeding my family the Thanksgiving meal that 'they' said we needed to show our appreciation for all the fortunate things in our lives.

To anybody trying to sell me Christmas crap before my Thanksgiving dinner has digested... beatdown with a 100 pound candy cane.

Oh yeah... and to my local pet store who has taken to putting adorable little puppies and kitties in their window (wearing obnoxiously cute winter sweaters no less!)to make kids beg Santa for an $800 dollar mutt.
Beatdown with a squeaky Christmas chew toy!

You

Yeah, you. You know who you are. Am I the only one who stays in at night and watches TV and looks for porn and blogs and looks for more porn and smokes?

This beatdown is for all a'ya'lls with more of a life than me.

The American Media

Honestly, who gives a shit about Martha Stewart? Who cares what she's doing in prison, what she thinks of it, what she's thankful for this Thanksgiving. WHO FUCKING CARES? Why, oh why does the media focus so much attention on this woman when there are so many more important things going on?

My apologies to any Martha fans, but is she really headline material while she's in prison?

People who say "mother"

Without saying "my" first. As in "I'm going to tell Mother you said that." or "Mother would just love that porcellain kitty!"

Beatdown with a tea cozy!

Entropy

I hate cleaning. Beatdown with a mop, and the broom I ride on!

Are you happy LiAps?

Slackers!!!!

All of us deserve a beatdown for not having beaten down anybody or anything in like 3 weeks.